Today started out as a normal day and then it got painful. It did to much again. I am sure the doctor will say something to me about all the bending down I have been doing. It has been a lot. It hurts a lot. I took a pain pill so hopefully that should help out.

This journey is going to to be harder than I can imagine. Today, just making supper was too much. I stood for the amount of time to cook noodles and wash dishes. Sonny had already made dinner and I just had to put it together. Mom thinks I might end up in the hospital again which would be horrible.

Tierra is starting work tomorrow and that means she might be coming back. That would be terrible. I hope she can keep her job and buy real things for her children. It would be amazing although I hope she doesn't go crazy buying them Christmas presents though.

Josh is out of the hospital but he will be going back to placement. I know that he needs help but I hate that the his journey is so close to mine. I hope he can be strong like I was. I know deep inside myself that he isn't though and he will suffer as well as flourish. I want so much for him.

Tomorrow is Marley's conferences. I am excited to learn how smart my baby is. He is learning how to read, it is amazing. He is learning new words left and right. Numbers all the time. There is a book fair there too so I might buy him a book or two cause I like to buy books for my babies. Marley is getting new pants tomorrow, Sonny and I are going shopping.

Holly is growing up so quick and I want her to grow into her own person, but she is so influenced by the three of us. Tierra, Nana and I. When Mom dies, she will withdraw into her shell competently. I want her to find something now that makes her want to be outside of the shell, something that that will keep her from wilting. I love her smile so much.

Now I am going to bed.